For most of our readers Mr.Mirle Shivashankar needs no special introduction. He is the father and coach of Kavya Shivashankar, winner of 2009 Scripps Spelling Bee. In this interview, Mr.Shivashankar shares his experiences coaching his daughter, with our newsletter editor Madhav Durbha. Read on!
Madhav: Hello Shivashankar! Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. Tell our readers about yourself!
Shivashankar:I was born in Mysore and I migrated to Boca Raton, Florida back in the early 90's to pursue a Master's Degree. When I was down in Florida, playing Beach Volleyball was my favorite pastime. I even played in the local leagues at one point. I was not able to continue my passion towards volleyball, however, when we moved to Kansas in the year 2000. A few years after moving to Kansas, I picked up my interest in "spelling" - thanks to Kavya. Currently, I work for a Paris based global IT consulting firm that has a strong presence in NA and India.
Madhav:Well! For a lot of our readers you are known as Kavya's Dad & Coach. But it is very nice to know these details about you. Sounds like you have a very busy professional & social life! How do you strike the balance between being a parent coach and various other hats you need to wear on a day-to-day basis?
Shivashankar: My job requires me to travel almost all the time. The fact that I am away from home during the week makes it very hard to strike a work-life balance. I do, however, make it a point to call and talk to the family at least twice a day during the week. As far as the weekends go, I set my "priorities" and it works most of the time. That is the only way I can effectively play different roles.
Madhav: How did your children get into academic contests? How much of it was their initiative and how much of it was you as a parent cultivating that interest in them?
Shivashankar: Spelling just clicked for Kavya since the time she first competed in the NSF regional spelling bee in 2003 at the age of 6. Right from the beginning I have seen a spark in her eyes for learning. Although Kavya did not qualify for the nationals that year, both of us continued working on spelling together since we enjoyed it, regardless of how she placed at the contests. Both of us fed on each other's passion to learn spelling and the interest was mutual. It is because of Kavya's qualities of being a great student that I have come to be known as a coach and hence the reason you are talking with me today. Just like the saying goes, we can only drag the horse to the water, but we cannot make it drink. In my mentee's case - she had plenty of appetite for learning.
Madhav: Several of our NSF children have their parents as coaches for preparing for academic contests or otherwise. From your personal experience can you talk about what are the challenges, I am sure there are plenty, of playing the dual role of a parent coach? What are the pros and cons?
Shivashankar:The one common question regarding the challenges that I have always heard is "How do you keep the children motivated?" The answer is getting involved with the children and make learning fun and interesting. Coaching spelling, in my case, was not just limited to quizzing words; I was lot more involved than that.
Madhav: Where and how do you draw the line between being a parent and being a coach?
Shivashankar:For the most part, I would say my wife has played a marvelous role of a parent and has taught the children to be humble. She has also inculcated moral values such as respect, care, responsibility, hard-work and honesty. During the 2009 Scripps Spelling Bee Finals, it felt like ESPN wanted to start a rivalry between Kavya and other participants in an effort to create media hype. In one of the live interviews on ESPN while responding to a question, Kavya said, without hesitation, that she is "only competing against the dictionary. All of the participants at the bee are friendly and that all of the competitors cheer for each other." In my opinion, implanting such life skills is where the parenting responsibility needs to take the better of the coach.
Madhav: How important are the "Rules of the house" in inculcating a sense of discipline in a child? Any specific examples you can share?
Shivashankar: Kavya is very passionate about her goals and she enjoys spelling. As much as Kavya wanted to work on spelling as soon she found some time, we wanted to make sure that she also followed up on her school home work and other activities. The priorities for Kavya were very clear - school work, dance, violin, and then spelling, ONLY if time permitted. The other challenge we had with Kavya was that she is allergy prone and has a tendency to catch a cold at any given time. We had to remind Kavya to eat well, drink enough water every day, and ensure that she got enough sleep to stay healthy.
Madhav: Even the best performers, whether they are athletes or entertainers or professionals, have their ups and downs! When a child is simply not in the mental state of mind to focus on any preparation, how should a parent coach handle that? Anything you can relate from personal experience?
Shivashankar: Watching the documentary 'Spellbound' together as a family was one way that Kavya preferred to get inspired. It was her choice! We have watched it so many times that even Vanya, my younger daughter, can recite many of the lines from the documentary.
Madhav: Would you like to share any motivational techniques you used with your children? What were the carrots? What were the sticks? What worked and what did not work?
Shivashankar: Kavya did not need any carrots or sticks; my wife and I feel blessed for that. Right from the time we started working together on spelling, I have observed her to be always focused on her goals. When I came home during the weekends Kavya would be very enthusiastic about having spelling sessions with me. When she won the NSF Junior Spelling Bee Championship in 2004, we asked her what she would like as a gift. All she wanted was to receive violin lessons, because she had watched Nupur Lala play the violin in 'Spellbound'!!
Madhav:As a coach it is important for you to be motivated as well. What kept you going? Any specific techniques you used to keep yourself completely engaged?
Shivashankar: I did not need much to keep me going - I just needed to see Kavya in her eyes. The spark in her eyes sufficed.
Madhav:We often hear the phrase "Failures are the stepping stones to success". I have to admit I agree with that only partially. Unless one can turn failures into positive reinforcements, they probably don't do much good. Your success did not happen overnight. I'm sure you had to put up with several disappointments along the way. How did you deal with them and how did you turn them into positive reinforcements?
Shivashankar: It depends on how "failure" and "success" are perceived. In regards to our spelling bee journey that began in 2003, Kavya did not always come back with a championship trophy. However, there were so many successes every time that she prepared and participated in a spelling bee. On every occasion, as a coach, I needed to identify areas where she did well and the areas that needed improvement. We viewed the opportunity of identifying areas of improvement as a success!! When Kavya participated in the first spelling bee back in 2003, she was asked to spell 'parabola'. We had reviewed the word, but we had learned it with an incorrect pronunciation that made Kavya to misspell on the stage. However, we succeeded on learning to check up each and every word in the dictionary for the accurate pronunciation. Later, in 2005 Kavya was competing in the local bees leading up to the Scripps National Spelling Bee for the first time. Her quest to qualify for the national event ended in the county bee, when she misspelled 'mosaic'. She was in a hurry and accidentally spelled 'm-o-s-i-a-c'. We took back lessons for both of us on how to prevent such situations. This is when we crafted her "signature" style of writing on her palm before spelling the words. There was never a slip-of-the-tongue in a spelling bee for Kavya after that. In a way, we succeeded in learning from every experience and making improvements after each experience.
Madhav:One common challenge I hear from parents is that the children need them to be sitting next to them to prepare for anything. This may or may not work given the parents' other commitments. So, how does one motivate children to self-study?
Shivashankar: Years ago, I came across this quote "The best thing you can spend on your children is - time". My wife and I strongly believe in that and we set our priorities accordingly, to make as much time as possible for the kids. By being involved and helping the children set reasonable goals, as well as helping them work towards their goals, is something that we believe that parents should do. Of course, we still need to be able to set our priorities between helping the children and "other" commitments.
Madhav: How effective is it for both parents to serve as coaches in Bee preparation? Any pros and cons you would like to share?
Shivashankar: Although, I am regarded as the coach, I don't think I could have helped Kavya without the help of my wife Sandhya. She would take care of all of the chores at home, which allowed me to spend time on preparing. She also was another great source of encouragement and support for Kavya. It was purely team work!!
Madhav: How much did you have to prepare to be a Spelling bee coach? How much effort did it take?
Shivashankar: It took quite a bit of effort and time, actually. I had to learn the root words and etymological patterns. I also spent time reading about past spelling bees and spelling bee words. I used my spare time to watch tapes of spelling bees from previous years. I was very involved, but it did not really feel like it was an "effort" because I enjoyed doing that.
Madhav: If you don't mind me asking, I heard from some other NSF parents that you could have given a tough competition to any top finisher at Scripps if you yourself had competed.. ! How true is that?
Shivashankar: Every child that qualifies for the Scripps National Spelling bee, let alone the top finishers, is extremely well prepared. I really don't believe that I could best those kids in spelling. I guess you could look at me like any other coach in sports; American football, for example. Do you think those NCAAF coaches can play as good as the wide receivers or quarterbacks? I don't think so!!!
Madhav: I do understand you volunteered for NSF on several occasions, including conducting Spelling Bee workshops, etc. What was your first introduction to NSF?
Shivashankar: Back in 2002, the first year the NSF Center in Kansas was started, the Pastapur family informed us that Aishwarya had participated in a spelling bee that took place at the Hindu Temple of Kansas City. We thought we should also give it a try the next year and we did in 2003.
Madhav: Did NSF play a role in the success of your children? How?
Shivashankar:Absolutely!! NSF has played a great role in the success of my child. We have been to Scripps National Spelling Bee for multiple years and I can say, by far, the NSF kids are better equipped than most of their competition. Just the experience of competing in the NSF contests puts our kids ahead. I would not hesitate to say that Kavya has been a beneficiary of the opportunities that NSF offers. Besides gaining on the academic front, there are many other things that our kids can learn from being involved in NSF. The organization has also provided a platform for us, parents, to be able to foster the art of "giving" to the kids.
Madhav: Before we finish, any words of advice to our NSF parents?
Shivashankar:I believe that all children have immense potential for developing many skills. As parents, it is important to identify their strengths during the early years of their childhood and lead them to the right opportunity, as well as to provide encouragement, direction, and equip them with the right tools.
Madhav: Shivashankar! Thanks for taking the time. It's been a real pleasure!
Shivashankar: Thank you for giving me the opportunity and I am proud to be part of the NSF family!! |
